I'm in Kansas City...I've been in Kansas City almost the entire time I've been on Christmas break because this is where my boyfriend's parents live and where he now lives. Greg and I lived together for 5 months, which was also his last semester of college. Now that he has graduated he has moved back home. He has plans to find a full time job, but has yet to apply for any, but has no plans to stay with me or even come visit because he "has no money" yet can afford a monthly gym membership that begins next month.
Right now I am incredibly confused about where I stand on the priority list, he claims that I'm pretty high up there, but saying it and seeing it are very different things. He said he is going to try to show it more and I really hope he does, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. Also he told me to go ahead and start planning our wedding because the diamond is bought and he is just trying to pay it off before he buys the mounting, but everytime I bring up wedding plans he gets annoyed and doesn't want to hear about it. I just don't know how to take it all comments are incredibly welcome.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Who needs plans? This Girl...
For the first time in a long time I don't have any plans for the future, nothing is set in stone I have no idea what's going to happen in the next six months; I feel completely lost. As long as I can remember I've had my life planned out beautifully, everything has ran at least somewhat smoothly and now I have no idea where I'm going. I have my tentative plans riding on Greg and I getting married, but he hasn't even proposed yet, I feel so stupid for having plans revolving around that, but if I don't then he will propose and I'll have to change all of my plans, so its a lose lose and its complicated either way.
If he doesn't propose soon I'm going to have to change all my plans because I can't go to the Grad school that I want to go to without the military discount that I'd have if I were married to him. Why can't my life just ever be normal? I'm so tired of not having any plans, I hate feeling lost and it doesn't bother Greg at all; he seems to think that whatever happens happens, but he isn't applying to grad school either and trying to find the money to do so nor is he planning his life around someone that he is supposed to follow all over the country without a ring or a plan...I'm a little scared if you couldn't tell already. Hopefully something will happen soon I need some plans to be set into place so I don't have an anxiety attack on a regular basis or just get up and walk away from everything and move to ten buck too, neither of these are good, but both have crossed my mind today.
If he doesn't propose soon I'm going to have to change all my plans because I can't go to the Grad school that I want to go to without the military discount that I'd have if I were married to him. Why can't my life just ever be normal? I'm so tired of not having any plans, I hate feeling lost and it doesn't bother Greg at all; he seems to think that whatever happens happens, but he isn't applying to grad school either and trying to find the money to do so nor is he planning his life around someone that he is supposed to follow all over the country without a ring or a plan...I'm a little scared if you couldn't tell already. Hopefully something will happen soon I need some plans to be set into place so I don't have an anxiety attack on a regular basis or just get up and walk away from everything and move to ten buck too, neither of these are good, but both have crossed my mind today.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Chasing my last marble
So by monday I have two papers to write; one of which is over a movie that I haven't seen :s by December 3 I have seven regular papers and one huge research paper...I'm going to try to knock 3 papers out today...and one tomorrow that will bring my total to 3 regular papers and a research paper, someone send out some prayers for me because right now all I can think about is losing weight before going on vacation and eating chinese food lol I know I contradict myself what's new.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tonight in this empty apartment
Here I am again, alone. I feel like I spend quite a bit of time alone which I'm usually ok with, but this week it has been particularly difficult for some reason. I think most of it has to do with the fact that I feel like I've lost my bests friend. Greg and I seem to fight constantly even when I deliberately don't say a word in order to not add to the drama we still end up fighting. When you no longer have your best friend to confide in it makes for a pretty lonely existence. It would be pretty easy to go out and spend time with other people and its even easier to find another man, but I don't want either I want to be with him but nothing seems to be working nout now. One minute we are talking about engagement rings and the next minute he is telling me that he doesn't know why he is with me anymore. My feelings are so hurt from just an accumilation of things that have happened in the last couple of months and because I don't feel like I can tell him how I feel I therefore feel alone. What a problem to have. I don't trust him to appreciate what I have to say and I don't know how to get over it silently and alone.
My Sponge is Leaking...
I am so sick of studying...I feel like that is all I'm allowed to do with my life anymore. I used to sing and dance. Make jewelry, read books like the largest nerd you'd ever seen but now when I do have free time (few and far between) I want to sit and stare and do nothing. My question is how long does it take someone to bounce back from the traumatization of 16 years of schooling? Do you ever enjoy the things you used to enjoy again?
I sure hope so
If not I'm going to have to completely find new hobbies later in life and I was quite satisfied with the ones I had.
On another note...why are men completely uncapable of remembering a schedule that has been in place for months now. I just got asked if I wanted to go eat lunch...he is supposed to know that I'm at work! And then I head straight to class, I don't understand every Tuesday and Thursday has been exactly the same what makes today any different?? OMG I know why people become lesbians I really do because life would be so much simpler if men thought just a little bit more like women.
I'm supposed to be studying for a Historical Archaeology test that I have in 45 minutes, but instead Greg is stressing me out because he just gets these spur of the moment ideas that only work for him and I can't cram anymore information into my spongy brain, its full, over flowing, my sponge is literally leaking.
I'm so ready for a vacation, December 11th you couldn't get here fast enough. Greg and I are going out of country for his Graduation/Annirversary/Christmas present from me, he doesn't know where yet but its good and I cannot wait. 34 more days in class...hallelujiah!
I sure hope so
If not I'm going to have to completely find new hobbies later in life and I was quite satisfied with the ones I had.
On another note...why are men completely uncapable of remembering a schedule that has been in place for months now. I just got asked if I wanted to go eat lunch...he is supposed to know that I'm at work! And then I head straight to class, I don't understand every Tuesday and Thursday has been exactly the same what makes today any different?? OMG I know why people become lesbians I really do because life would be so much simpler if men thought just a little bit more like women.
I'm supposed to be studying for a Historical Archaeology test that I have in 45 minutes, but instead Greg is stressing me out because he just gets these spur of the moment ideas that only work for him and I can't cram anymore information into my spongy brain, its full, over flowing, my sponge is literally leaking.
I'm so ready for a vacation, December 11th you couldn't get here fast enough. Greg and I are going out of country for his Graduation/Annirversary/Christmas present from me, he doesn't know where yet but its good and I cannot wait. 34 more days in class...hallelujiah!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Flustered Frenzies and Awkward Achievments
Hello anyone who will eventually follow me.
This blog is going to act as my 'diary', I suppose blogs are the 'diaries' for older mature people so I should join the club.
For those who do not know me and think that maybe getting to know me through my blog is something they might want to do, I am giving you a fair warning that my life should be one hell of a book if anyone ever writes it and you will somehow get sucked in like a black hole.
Today 09/18/2010
I'm home alone this weekend...Greg is in KC working, probably for the best he needed a couple of days away from me and my roommate (Kristina) is in Illinois visiting her boyfriend. Its just me and the pups, no I'm not a crazy dog lady, that's my grandmother, but I am a college student with two boxers, which I now realize sounds crazier in text than in my head.
Anyway, I slept in this morning...first time I've truly slept in with no where to go in I don't even know how long. I got up at 9:30 am yeah I know wooo I'm a rebel. AND THEN.... I did nothing....until about 4:30 pm yeah it was pretty awesome to remind myself what bored feels like. Then I took the dogs for a three mile walk. For all those who don't know my dogs...there's Ruby; the newest addition to my life, she is one of my Grandmother's dogs who is 6 years old and just wants to please. She was added to the family because of Kaiser...the ultimate psycotic male specimen that I've met to date. He is a one year old boxer who has separation anxiety, so I had to get him a friend.
So we went on a walk...which is a feat in itself and I have not previously conquered this feat...because Kaiser likes to drag people everywhere when on the leash and he is terrified of road signs and thinks he needs to stop and pee on every blade of grass in the county. Anyway believe it or not it was an awesome walk, Kaiser finally heeled after I wore him out and it was thundering and cool the whole time and the rain didn't open up on us until about 100 yds from the apt.
One interesting thing that happened...you know it involves a boy so quit trying to guess. Part of the 3 mile trek that I have mapped out goes through the fraternity complex parking lot...Boys, because they aren't men, also feel the need to say something to a girl when she's alone, which is incredibly immature and the boys normally get a nice ego boost by being pieces of shit...until I came along. Kaiser...actually behaving got a compliment frat boy: 'He is doing pretty good for being so young.' Me: 'Kaiser and I have a deal, he obeys or I cut off his balls.' Frat boys: 'wow she drives a hard bargain.' Other frat boy: 'I wonder if she's single.'
Officially the most awkward achievement of my college career thus far, but I'm pretty proud of myself for being so bold to a rather large group of guys while I was by myself. Its a silent achievement.
I'm currently watching animal hoarders and wondering how anyone can handle more than two in a small place, or two in general. My grandmother has 6 now that Ruby is with me and I don't know how she does it. Some lady has 15 dogs, 10 cats, and 2 horses on here...and she is happily married. I struggle all the time to keep my relationship happy with two dogs or without dogs and this lady has no problems...unbelieveable.
This blog is going to act as my 'diary', I suppose blogs are the 'diaries' for older mature people so I should join the club.
For those who do not know me and think that maybe getting to know me through my blog is something they might want to do, I am giving you a fair warning that my life should be one hell of a book if anyone ever writes it and you will somehow get sucked in like a black hole.
Today 09/18/2010
I'm home alone this weekend...Greg is in KC working, probably for the best he needed a couple of days away from me and my roommate (Kristina) is in Illinois visiting her boyfriend. Its just me and the pups, no I'm not a crazy dog lady, that's my grandmother, but I am a college student with two boxers, which I now realize sounds crazier in text than in my head.
Anyway, I slept in this morning...first time I've truly slept in with no where to go in I don't even know how long. I got up at 9:30 am yeah I know wooo I'm a rebel. AND THEN.... I did nothing....until about 4:30 pm yeah it was pretty awesome to remind myself what bored feels like. Then I took the dogs for a three mile walk. For all those who don't know my dogs...there's Ruby; the newest addition to my life, she is one of my Grandmother's dogs who is 6 years old and just wants to please. She was added to the family because of Kaiser...the ultimate psycotic male specimen that I've met to date. He is a one year old boxer who has separation anxiety, so I had to get him a friend.
So we went on a walk...which is a feat in itself and I have not previously conquered this feat...because Kaiser likes to drag people everywhere when on the leash and he is terrified of road signs and thinks he needs to stop and pee on every blade of grass in the county. Anyway believe it or not it was an awesome walk, Kaiser finally heeled after I wore him out and it was thundering and cool the whole time and the rain didn't open up on us until about 100 yds from the apt.
One interesting thing that happened...you know it involves a boy so quit trying to guess. Part of the 3 mile trek that I have mapped out goes through the fraternity complex parking lot...Boys, because they aren't men, also feel the need to say something to a girl when she's alone, which is incredibly immature and the boys normally get a nice ego boost by being pieces of shit...until I came along. Kaiser...actually behaving got a compliment frat boy: 'He is doing pretty good for being so young.' Me: 'Kaiser and I have a deal, he obeys or I cut off his balls.' Frat boys: 'wow she drives a hard bargain.' Other frat boy: 'I wonder if she's single.'
Officially the most awkward achievement of my college career thus far, but I'm pretty proud of myself for being so bold to a rather large group of guys while I was by myself. Its a silent achievement.
I'm currently watching animal hoarders and wondering how anyone can handle more than two in a small place, or two in general. My grandmother has 6 now that Ruby is with me and I don't know how she does it. Some lady has 15 dogs, 10 cats, and 2 horses on here...and she is happily married. I struggle all the time to keep my relationship happy with two dogs or without dogs and this lady has no problems...unbelieveable.
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